🔥The Internet is Cooked: May 28, 2026
Good afternoon. Here's your dispatch from the corners of the internet still fighting slop: the "ethical" fashion brand that sold itself to the worst fast-fashion company on earth, a drag queen getting sued into silence by Patagonia, Niagara Parks workers who went to the brink and won, Boots Riley's gloriously anticapitalist new heist movie, Mamdani trolling Ohio via the sanitation department, billionaires are ruining pro sports, and the wellness app that turned out to be slop.
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Everlane sold out to Shein. The brand that built its whole identity on "radical transparency" and "ethical factories" just got bought by Shein — the ultrafast-fashion juggernaut synonymous with labour exploitation for around $100 million, nearly all of which went to clearing debt. Common stockholders, including early employees, get nothing. There's no cleaner obituary for the entire "ethical DTC" era: the conscience brand is now a line item for the company it was supposed to be the alternative to. One bright spot: founder Michael Preysman, who didn't have a hand in the sale, is starting over at stillradical.com, and says he's done with private equity. Welcome to the club, Michael. We will be watching.
Patagonia is suing a drag queen, and she's done staying quiet. Climate activist and performer Pattie Gonia broke months of silence this week on the federal lawsuit the outdoor brand filed against her. "Patagonia told the media they're only suing me for $1," she said. "What they're actually trying to do is take away my name permanently and threaten me with more than $1 million in legal fees. This is not a brand conflict. This is a corporation trying to erase an activist." Patagonia's founder sold 100% of the company’s voting stock and decision-making authority transfers to the Patagonia Purpose Trust, created to protect the company’s values. We'd argue he didn't envision them spending a fortune to crush a queer climate organizer over a name. Read her open letter.
Niagara Parks workers went to the brink — and won. The workers who keep one of Canada's most-visited public spaces running had been without a contract since last year, pushing for raises to keep pace with inflation. A last-minute tentative agreement averted a strike and kept everyone on the job; the membership votes to ratify Friday. No details yet, but the lesson holds: workers hold the power.
Boots Riley is back, and it's a tonic. Eight years after Sorry to Bother You, the communist rapper-turned-filmmaker has a new movie — I Love Boosters, starring Keke Palmer as Corvette, a Bay Area shoplifter who boosts high-end designer clothes and resells them cheap to people who could never afford them. The villain is a messianic fashion mogul (Demi Moore) who steals her workers' designs, makes clerks buy the new line out of their own paycheques, and runs sweatshops in China. Jacobin's Eileen Jones calls it a must-see, praising Riley's "remarkably easy confidence and visual flair" — vivid color and practical effects (no CGI) offered up as a "tonic in an era of boring CGI slop." She's honest about the back half, where the plot "begins to unspool in looser, crazier patterns," but the verdict lands: "We rarely see anything this fresh at the movie theater," and "everybody should see it at least twice." After a week of Everlane and Shein, a heist movie about robbing the fashion oligarchy blind feels just about right.
In New York, winning looks like trolling Ohio through the sanitation department. After the Knicks swept the Cavs to reach their first NBA Finals since 1999, Mayor Zohran Mamdani tagged the NYC Sanitation account: "I'd like to report a sweep." Sanitation replied: "CLEAN UP IN CLEVELAND!!" He'd already re-posted Vivek Ramaswamy's pregame "Let's go Cavs" selfie after the 130-93 demolition. With his beloved Arsenal in the Champions League final Saturday, we’re starting to think he’s bringing the good juju. A socialist mayor, the Knicks in the Finals, Arsenal one win from glory, New York is feeling blessed, and the memes know it.
No surprise: the billionaires who own the teams are the problem. Current Affairs' Quinn Everts has a takedown of the NBA's newest owner: Tom Dundon, the subprime-car-loan magnate who bought the Portland Trail Blazers for over $4 billion and immediately started acting "like a man desperately trying to avoid a bank overdraft fee." He made the team wait hours in a hotel lobby to dodge late-checkout fees, left two-way players behind while the team flew to the playoffs, laid off 70 staff, and wants taxpayers to cover the entire arena renovation while dangling relocation. Everts' point is the keeper: billionaire owners "see only investment opportunities, bottom lines, and returns," while fans see the fabric of their city. We love sports and we love the Knicks, but we don't love billionaires — and Everts notes Knicks owner James Dolan uses invasive facial recognition at MSG to keep tabs on people he sees as enemies, "including transgender fans who he doesn't want to appear on the TV broadcasts." We’re going to be direct: teams should be owned collectively by the players and the fans, the books should be open, tickets should be affordable, and everybody should get to enjoy the beauty of the sport.
The app that scores your food is the slop. Meet Oasis, the wellness app that scans your groceries and gives them a 0-100 score. Branded as independent, unbiased, science-backed. Turns out it's mostly vibes. It flags fluoride like it's plotting against you. And the "no ads, totally independent" app that started free now wants $47 a year — while reviewers suspect brands can pay their way to a better score. This is wellness capitalism in one download: monetize your health anxiety, dress vibes up as lab data, and sell yourself as the only honest one in the room. Snaxshot said it best — go follow them, they're doing the lord's work on this stuff in CPG.
Solidarity forever,
The internet is cooked.