🔥The Internet is Cooked: May 5, 2026

Good day. Here's your dispatch from the corners of the internet still fighting slop: labor, art, oligarchy, and Bernie Sanders draining buckets at 84.

Yesterday was Met Gala Monday. The only fit we cared about was Rama Duwaji's, and she didn't go — Zohran's team spotlighted New York's garment workers instead, the seamstresses, tailors, and retailers who actually build the industry the Gala pretends to honor. Meanwhile @everyonehateselon_ projected a message onto Bozo Bezos's ~$119M mega-residence, calling out the Gala for pocketing a $10M donation from the Amazon oligarch while his warehouse workers piss in bottles. Zendaya and Meryl Streep boycotted because Shamazon. If you went, yes, we're judging you. If you can buy the Met Gala,you can pay more tax.

Bernie is a baller. Who knew. The man fights oligarchy, defends unions, and warms up for rallies by getting buckets. Wholesome content to patch the holes the Raptors left after Game 7. Let's go Knicks.

The Onion bought Infowars. Quick recap: Alex Jones spent years calling the Sandy Hook school shooting a hoax, the parents sued, the court auctioned his media empire because he stopped paying them, and in a godly win the satirists took the keys. Their latest clip is worth the watch.

Snaxshot on biblical CPG: protein bars, holy water, and Agape Energy — a drink whose tagline is "Making Jesus impossible to ignore," whose socials feature a mic mounted on a Bible, and whose founder is Villanova's QB. We all know Jesus loves football. Cannot wait for the billion-dollar valuation a PE firm slaps on this bev. Please don't let it happen. If you're a CPG founder or just eat snacks, follow Snaxshot.

Toronto's Queer Collective dropped a podcast on the science of the transgender brain, 'the "social contagion" theory, and the history of sexology that fueled it'. The anti-trans sentiment metastasizing across the U.S. is bleeding north. Pay attention.

Soundtrack: Mildred's Fenceline, a warm, melodic folk record on repeat. "Fish Sticks" is the standout. Quick read on the band here — interesting histories.

Solidarity Forever,

The internet is cooked.